It’s Christmas time, which means the New Year is nearly upon us. It’s the time of year when resolutions are made, fortunes are cast and reviews are carried out.
Through my contacts at Santa’s elves outsourcer, I have obtained insight into what the next 12 months hold. So sit back with a glass of compliance-approved-supplier-gifted eggnog while I share with you the upcoming events for 2011.
A world-leading IT vendor launches what they describe as the next big thing in service-oriented architecture – ‘fog computing’. You have no idea where your data is or what’s going on. Lawyers and regulators praise it as providing a significant economic stimulus.
A FTSE 500 construction company reveals that its flagship facilities maintenance outsourcing consultancy arm has hit a speed bump on the innovation motorway. Their assembled team is comprised of ex-BP project leadership backed by Icelandic financing using Irish property bonds. They now have a recovery plan in place through the recently available talents of two banking CEO’s who have “unparalleled experience in challenging situations”. A collective sigh of relief is issued by CPOs across the country as they realise nothing they do for the rest of the year will ever look this bad.
A cyclone in the Indian Ocean delays delivery of royal wedding souvenirs to early May. The ceremony takes place with barely a mug to be seen. Insurance companies and buyers start the long process of working out who is going to pay for the mess.
A European conglomerates’ social networking viral media networking strategy starts brilliantly, to suddenly stop seven days later. The Daily Mail exposes the mastermind behind the campaign to be the marketing director’s 12-year-old daughter.
Hewlett Packard launches its new e-auction marketplace for suppliers and partners. It is quietly withdrawn after the first week, after UK staff claim they just can’t muster one more laugh for the next vendor to make a “HP Source” joke.
A FTSE 100 consultancy announces a fresh strategy: ‘wrong sourcing’ – giving the work to suppliers without any due diligence, because how much worse can they be? CEOs rush to embrace this way of working leaving CPOs and risk departments shaking their heads in disbelief.
Nothing happens in Europe, the rest of the world remains puzzled.
Responding to claims from a minister that they wield too much power regarding government contracts, a consortium of three of the country’s big auditing and consultancy firms express regret over “such negative comments from a valued partner” and state they will be looking at putting the role of government out to tender and invite bids from other countries.
The UK government is astonished to discover the 27th July isn’t so much a target date for the start of the 2012 Olympics as an expected outcome. In order to ensure the Games are able to start on time, the government initiates a new tax on Londoners to ensure building work is completed, triggering a month of protests across the capital with billions of pounds wiped off the UK economy. The Irish, Spanish, Portuguese and Greek teams announce they are looking forward to the games since they’re the only ones that can afford to participate having got their bailouts in early.
America renames the month ‘November Part 2’ and sends in the governor of California to explain to the nation that austerity measures mean that an 11-month-year is more affordable all round.